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Name: J-Boogie
Interests: Can't sleep. Must blog. A dreamer dreaming about a dream. Hitting that never ending quarter life crisis and wondering what to do about it. Following a path that I cannot see. What do you want from me?
Expertise: arguing...i mean debating.
Message: message meEmail: email me
Member Since:
11/23/2002
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| I looked it up. noo-clee-ar is the more common pronounciation, noo-cue-ler is also a valid one as well, but as dictionary.com states :
The resulting pronunciation is reinforced by analogy with such words as molecular, particular, and muscular, and although it occurs with some frequency among highly educated speakers, including scientists, professors, and government officials, it is disapproved of by many.
I'm watching VP debates and granted I don't like Biden, but I would vote him into the presidency over Obama before I would let Palin step foot in the White House. She is entertaining actually, I'll give it to her, but her hockey mom mentality and "gosh-darn-doggone-it-ya hear" countryspeak just kind of rubs me the wrong way. I completely understand what kind of people she's going for (the conservative states) and they will fall head over heels over an everywoman making her way to the top. Especially when the alternative is a...shhhh....*black man*...I just don't want her leading the nation. Her country home mentality and "let's put some butter on that sunburn" wisdom just kind of sickens me as does her chest puffing of her skills. ok i'm done. i think i'll give up if she gets the vp spot. one heartbeat away indeed...
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| i'm on this (i hope not) new productivity kick of self-attainment (will it last), and i'm looking at all my faults in the hopes that i can eventually turn them into a strength. the biggest problem i seem to have in this regard is that i can get very into doing something, but then the concentration doesn't last long enough for me to complete my goal. like this for example. i've tried this multiple times, and so far i've yet to succeed. but that's why i keep doing it i guess. eventually i'm bound to succeed. the audio book i've been listening is good for the soul in that it sheds some light on a lot of the ideas that you don't focus on in life. these things are deathly important for your overall goals and happiness, but with all the day to day things going on, we tend to forget about it. the short term goals overshadow the long term goals to the point where they can be all but forgotten. and it's hard to reinvigorate yourself into looking at them because it nows takes twice as much effort to re-start as it did before.
one of the larger points was the idea of learned helplessness. you don't do something because you think it's too hard, so you relegate yourself into thinking that it's something that you just are not able to do. because of that, you shy away from doing it, and it becomes one of those things you'll always be scared of even attempting in case you were to fail. but of course you fail. that's the point of life. it's sifting through a bunch of failures to find the successes. it's looking at yourself 10 years down the road and saying "i did all that. they were not all the right choices, but they led me here." i see the future me looking at the current me and saying "you're never gonna catch up if you don't get off your ass." he's all scratched up, and weathered, and you can tell that he's been through a lot. but i see that he has something that i really want. a look of satisfaction. satisfaction of facing down and defeating his demons, facing the trials and succeeding at something that took more effort than i thought i have right now.
life is an uphill struggle, as if that's not cliched enough. but the point is, if you're not struggling up the hill, then you're not moving forward. if you're not moving forward, you're moving backward. there is no staying with where you are. i cannot move backward. i will not move backward. i must move forward. it's the only way....it's the only way.
which is why i need some adderall. foh-cus. | | |
| ok so my bday wasn't quite as terrible as i'd imagined. the intimate group of 4 for dinner expanded to an intimate group of 10, and i only got a light ribbing from people about hitting the big mark. granted most were actually just saying "welcome to the club" so it wasn't so bad. i got a fruit basket from my work team during the day, which was really nice. the girl that ordered it said that i'd prolly appreciate the fact that it was a fruit basket vs. a big box of cookies (that the other girl on the team got 2 weeks ago) seeing as how i'm all on the health tip. i think that acknowledgment made my day more than anything.
dinner at churrascaria plataforma was something that i wasn't quite prepared for and everything they say about the place is true. it's a brazilian meat place where everything is on skewers, and you flip a card in front of you to green if you want them to start piling various meats on giant skewers onto your plate, and then flip it to red when you want them to stop. and by piling, i mean they come by literally every minute and stop in front of you asking what you would like. had some pork ribs, lamb, steak, sirloin, bacon wrapped, chicken, sausage, short ribs, and then i lost count and nearly OD'ed. i haven't seen that much meat since i accidentally pressed a link while porn-surfing and came across a video of an smbd homosexual porn orgy. and just like the video, the taste still hasn't gone away. without sounding too gay, i think i ingested so much meat that my throat is sore and i can still feel the thick juices clinging to it. ok that sounded too gay. but you get my point. i can totally relate now to people when they say that after going there, it has made them vegetarian for a week. i'm sitting here at 6am unable to sleep and so is the meat.
I'll make sure to be prepared next time i go. i dunno what that means, but any meatarians that come to visit me will definitely have to be taken there and slapped around a bit by the men with the meat. is it just too early or is this post just dripping with innuendo? anyway, with 2 bottles of cheap (for that place anyway) wine, the price came out to $100/person including tip. wow. didn't expect that. got a lot of making up to do when their birthdays all roll around. the sisters that were there, i was completely envious of, because having grown up in a family of 7, their appetite was something to behold. they ate me, and probably 3 other guys completely under the table. i was hanging my head in shame as i had to turn my card to red, while they were just chowing away at the endless food. my hypothesis is that she only has one lung and her stomach expands into the empty space. or else, there's no other way to explain how a 95 lb girl can eat 3x as much as me.
but i think what topped off the night is that my gf lied to me. she convincingly told me that she really wished she could come out for dinner but she had to work the night shift. she also lives and works two hours away. so imagine my surprise, an hour and a half later at the beginning of dinner, someone covers my eyes from behind, and says "guess who?" i'm going through my mental rolodex, trying to figure out the voice of who i knew that just happened to see me at the restaurant and then thinking, "uhh...i don't think my gf would approve". lo and behold, there she was. whew! that was close. so then after dinner we had a talk and agreed that it was ok to outright lie to the other person if we are surprising them.
and apparently all of her friends, and mine, that haven't seen me in a few months have told me that the 13 lbs that i lost is actually showing on my face. aww shucks. that gives me renewed vigilance to kick that last 7. i was supposed to have done that by yesterday, but some...uh...roadblocks (read : chinagate and blimpy burger and vacation) kind of slowed that down. so my next milestone for that is by end of november. that shouldn't be too hard at all with just a tiny bit of exercise....
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| Ok it took me another few minutes to find that damn posting button. you would think that they'd make it a little more prominent seeing as that's what xanga is primarily for. I applaud them for getting into the facebook craze of allowing you to do all this crap like video, music, favorite sexual positions, or other extraneous crap that no one really cares to know about, but you still want to "get it out there for the world". But come on, do what you do well, which is blog. xanga is becoming a jack of all trades, master of none.
I was stumbling (that IS a common term nowadays ain't it) today, and came across this turkish video site. the video showed a girl in "funky" bell bottoms from the waist down with the title "techno"-something. I clicked on it and it showed the girl dancing a modified side-step, heel-toe, heel-toe move. The music playing in the back was a basss heavy doom-doom-doom, with a little bit of melody in the back. She danced in a circle for a full minute, doing basically the same step. I remember not so many years back when I danced the same way, wore the same clothes, and listened to the same music. Looking back on it, i find it very annoying. just the music itself (which apparently is still very popular in europe and ibiza) is really monotonous, something that I didn't really mind (or notice) back in my partying heyday. I can definitely see some younger folk, and/or my future kids, ridiculing me for listening to such drivel. I kind of ridicule myself already. I cringe when I hear that type of music come on (most of the time) and when people goad me to dance, i feel like i'm being brought in front of a firing brigade.
so i know i must be getting old when i can relate to my parents, and them listening to their old-timey record music and watching their eyes glaze back and reminisce about what it was like back when they were young. the youthful adamancy i had saying "i'm never ever going to be like you" to my parents has withered and i have accepted the coming of old age. or is it the loss of youth? if we're talking about the latter, i think i've lost most if not all of that years ago. did i mention that i'm going to hit another decade mark next week? Get off my lawn you fucking kids! Oh wait. I don't have a lawn. Or my own place. Fuckin New York. I need to find a cheaper place to live. happy birthday to me!
Oh, i found the video again. Here it is.
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| so i haven't come back to xanga in over a year and they change everything up on me. it took me me 20 minutes to figure out how to post a blog entry. i've suddenly caught the need to start writing again. this affliction happens to me a few times a year and i feel like i have to write. i guess we'll see how long this keeps up. i think it usually starts to wane when i get caught up doing other things, be it work, play, not depressed anymore, etc. this time though, i'm not feeling too down and out which is nice.
i had a momentary flash of motivation to clean up my page, pretty it up if you will, but that moment went away just as quickly. i think for my random crapping of thoughts and ideas, this bland page will do perfectly. i recently started writing on my blogger page and wordpress page also, but i think this is better for personal musings. at least on this page i know of at least person that may read my page. and it's nice to be in my tiny microscopic niche where i can write whatever i want without worrying that people i know who might be easily offended may read it. my mom just joined facebook for cristsakes! is there no bastion for freedom of speech anymore? also i get to read up on the 3 ppl that still xanga haha....kalamai, jobipez, and ladyhype, i'm watching you. write more and be interesting.
anyway i wanted to bitch about wi-fi today. i'm sitting in the doctors office right now as a walk-in (so you can imagine how much time i have to wait) and I'm trying to get a wifi signal so i can get online. being in the city, you would think that there are a ton of hotspots. and there are! but of the 20 available, only 3 are unsecured, and of those 3, none can connect to the internet! the one that did actually connect to the network still says it doesn't connect. how annoying. it's like the network is trying to tease me with it's possiblity of internet. so i'm just using my phone to tether instead. this works ok, but i'd rather have wifi.
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